The difference between sex and death is, Death you can do alone And nobody laughs at you....Funny Quotes by Woody Allen.

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."....Funny Quotes by W. C. Fields.

"Seeing a murder on television...will help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some."....Funny Quotes by Alfred Hitchcock.

"When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before."....Funny Quotes by Mae West.

Money can't buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy....Funny Quotes by Spike Milligan.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."....Funny Quotes by Laurence J. Peter.

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."....Fun Quote by Richard Braunstein.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, And I never had the courtesy to thank her for it....Fun Quote by W. C. Fields.

"When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man."....Fun Quote by Alain.

"Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item."....Funny Quotes by Unknown.

If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em....Fun Quote by Unknown.

"Television has done much for psychiatry, by spreading information about it as well as contributing to the need for it."....Fun Quote by Alfred Hitchcock.

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."....Fun Quote by Anonymous.

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them."....Fun Quote by Sue Grafton.

I used to be concieted, but now I'm perfect....Funny Quotes by Unknown.

Girlz don't let their friendz drink and take home ugly guyz.

If you think you're really influential - try ordering another man's dog.

Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop....Unknown.

"Ahh, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet....Funny Quotes by Robin Williams

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Unknown

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter - Brian E. Aronson

Stop Inbreeding! Ban country music. Daryl Ganskopp

Confucius say: He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful....Quote by Ann Landers.