I met him in the old school which i used to go to. at the time he was
dating my friend. we didn't talk much. two years later i see him in the
hall way walking alone i know he saw me, but we just kept walking. at lunch
later on that day we see each other and we decide to talk. i invite him to a
party I'm supposed to be in, and he accompanies me. we walk in hand-in-hand
and i think it's sweet that i can have a friend like him. after that one
party i get invited to a wedding and of course he comes with me. it's not
until the after party that he tells me that he likes me and would like to be
more than just friends. we start to date. everything goes well.
he calls me up on day and is crying the caller-id says "pay phone" he sounds
crazy and is talking about committing suicide. i yell to him not to do it
but he just doesn't understand. he says he wants to fall asleep on the train
tracks, an instant death he calls it.
i stay all night on the phone with him and tell him that his life is worth
living for. i tell him i love him and I hear those same words come from his
mouth I can't believe what is happening, everything is happening so fast. I
tell him to go home and to call me from there. 24 min. later I get a phone
call, it's him. He's safe at home.
Three weeks pass by and he finally thanks me. he tells me he was going
through some hard times and his father had just told him he was a mistake.
he said it's been going on for 10 years, and he thanks me again, crying and
pleading to me that if i wasn't there for him that night he could of been on
the front page of the local newspaper. it's been 5 months since that
incident and I still tell him I love him. And it never fails; he always
tells me back.
From what I see, I am nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing
has happened to me my whole life that hasn't happened to nearly everybody
else on this planet. Except that I met Brian. Being in his arms were some
of the happiest times I had ever experienced. I could look deep into his
eyes and be enchanted forever. Being with him changed my soul. I felt his
love prying apart the hard shell of shyness that encircled me. His trust,
his love and his support for me lifted me from the earth and gently sent me
into the clouds. He cast off the chains I had given myself. Through him I
learned a new insight about the world. It was as if a tall, dark mountain
had stood in front of me, and out of nowhere, he provided the wings to fly
over it. We met at my work. We started dating each other and seeing more
and more of each other every day, not knowing that we were falling in love.
Soon we became a couple. Our relationship was everything it should have
been, almost as if our time together had been written for a novel. We grew
closer and closer during the school year. We would go to the movies, go out
to eat, go shopping and most of all be with each other for a long time. I
could hardly sleep at night, just anticipating the next time I would see
him and the upcoming weekend we would be together. I shared everything with
him, even things I kept from my family and my best friend.
Realization
From what I see, I am nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing
has happened to me my whole life that hasn't happened to nearly everybody
else on this planet. Except that I met Brian. Being in his arms were some
of the happiest times I had ever experienced. I could look deep into his
eyes and be enchanted forever. Being with him changed my soul. I felt his
love prying apart the hard shell of shyness that encircled me. His trust,
his love and his support for me lifted me from the earth and gently sent me
into the clouds. He cast off the chains I had given myself. Through him I
learned a new insight about the world. It was as if a tall, dark mountain
had stood in front of me, and out of nowhere, he provided the wings to fly
over it. We met at my work. We started dating each other and seeing more
and more of each other every day, not knowing that we were falling in love.
Soon we became a couple. Our relationship was everything it should have
been, almost as if our time together had been written for a novel. We grew
closer and closer during the school year. We would go to the movies, go out
to eat, go shopping and most of all be with each other for a long time. I
could hardly sleep at night, just anticipating the next time I would see
him and the upcoming weekend we would be together. I shared everything with
him, even things I kept from my family and my best friend.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Just like every other
day, I went to school, saw Brian and came home. I was in my own little
world, living a fairytale life, when my parents called me in their room,
and told my brother to go outside to watch T.V. "Sit down Minal." My dad
said, with a disappointment in his voice. I looked at my mother mother. We
exchanged a bazaar look. My parents had found a picture of Brian and I. His
arm was around me in the picture. We were sitting right next to each other.
From where I come from girls are not even allowed to have guy friends. In
our culture we have arrange marriages. You first get married and then learn
to fall in love. Love before marriage is forbidden. We have to marry
someone who is Indian, not only that but he/she must be from the same cast
as you are, or the society doesn't accept you. I saw my parents holding the
picture that they had found in my purse. My heart was beating faster by the
seconds. I didn't know what to say. "Who is this guy? Why is his arm around
you? Where did you meet him? How far have you gone with him? Are you
pregnant?" My parents started asking questions, and they jumped to
conclusions without knowing the full facts. The fact that Brian is white
made them even angrier with me. "How could you do this to us? You let us
down. You were our pride." My mother said, with tears in her eyes. I hurt
them. I lied to them, just like every other time I had, when I went to go
see him. "Mom, I am NOT pregnant. I wouldn't do anything to let you guys
down. I met him at Shannon's birthday party, and I took a picture with
him." They were still upset with me, for the fact that I had taken a
picture with a guy. I had let them down. My father raised his voice, "Do
you know what this means? Do you know what would happen if anyone of our
relatives were to find out about this? I would be kicked out of this
society. Do you know what my friends and relatives think about you?" They
thought that I was this perfect Indian girl, who doesn't go to the parties,
doesn't associate with guys, and believes in Hinduism. It really hurt me
when my mother said that I had let them down. While ripping the picture
into thousand pieces, my mother said, "This is it. It's going to end right
here. We have given you too much freedom. No more hanging out with friends!
No phone calls! Your friends are not Indian and they are bad influence on
you. Go to school and work, and stay home, till we find a nice husband for
you. Now go to bed!" They took away all my privileges after that. I
apologized and promised them that I would not do anything to let them down
ever again.
I couldn't sleep at night. I cried the whole night. My world had turned
upside down. I kept thinking about everything that had just happened. I
realized that our cultures differed. There was no way that our Indian
society would accept Brian and I together. No matter how much I loved him,
it didn't matter. He is white and by Bhagvat Gita (Indian Bible) I am not
allowed to be with someone who is not Indian. I couldn't do this to him or
my parents. I realized that I am Indian and I always will be, there was
nothing I could have done to change that, and I didn't have the strength to
hurt my parents again. I knew I had to sacrifice my love for my parents'
happiness. The following day, I went to Brian's house, and told him what
had happened. I also told him that my parents would never
accept him in my life. I broke up with him. The words wouldn't come out
of my mouth; I had to force them out of me. We said good-bye to each other.
Tears came out of my eyes. He dropped me off at work. I just sat outside by
my car and cried for about 2 hours. "How could I let him just walk out of
my life?" I asked myself. Nothing felt right. I felt so empty inside. I
couldn't take it. I knew I wanted to see him one last time. I was hurting.
I got in the car. I drove there as fast as possible. I knocked on the door.
No one answered. I let myself in. He wasn't in his room; I checked every
room in the house. Finally, I saw him sitting outside by the swimming pool,
with a confused look on him face. He looked deeply hurt. I couldn't do this
to him. I went running in the backyard. I told him to just hold me. When he
held me, it felt so right and safe in his arms. I didn't want to let him
go. I told him I couldn't live with out him, and I asked him to take me
back in his life. Without hesitating, Brian said "My doors will always be
open for you. " I told him that the reason I had broken up with him was
because I didn't want to hurt him later down in the road. "By God, I love
you Brian. But later down in the road if we get serious, I can't be with
you. I have to marry the person whom my parents pick out for me." I said,
with tears in my eyes. I had told Brian about the situation when we first
started seeing each other, but I didn't know that it would actually come to
this point. Brian held my face and said, " I knew what I was getting myself
into, when I first met you. You still have few years before your parents
marry you off. Maybe you will change your mind by then." All I knew was
that I needed him in my life, and I was willing to go through anything to
be with him. I couldn't loose him at any cost.
We have been together for nine months. We have our ups and downs.
Sometimes we fight and don't get along, for us that's right and sometimes
it's wrong, but in our hearts we both know that we'll always love each
other. Ever since that day my parents haven't found anything. Every day I
pray to God, I ask him to help me make the right decisions in life. I ask
him to give me strength and courage to stand up for myself, and most of all
I ask him to help me not to hurt the people that I love and care for the
most.
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