GOLF JOKES
Bill, the avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a Golf Course in Heaven.
`The golfer called one of the caddies and said, "I want a caddy who can count and keep the score.What's 3 and 4 and 5 come to?"
A couple had been married for fifteen years. There was only one thing that Ruthie had forbidden her husband to do. That was to open a small silver box that was kept upon her dresser.
Man and woman at breakfast table, she having cup of coffee, he reading newspaper. Wife to husband: "Honey, if I die before you will you remarry?"
A husband and wife team played golf together every day and the wife was always beating the husband. Tired of this humiliation, the husband decides one day to break his wife concentration . He goes up to her as she was ready to tee off and says " Honey, I love you more then anything in the world, that's why I must be honest with you, I had a mistress for the 15 years we have been married..Of course, that day, the wife could not get a good shot and lost the game to her husband for the first time in their married life.
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The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days.
After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium.
"Well," said Bill, "what did ya find out?"
"I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium.
"OK," "what's the good news" Bill exclaimed.
"Well," there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium!
"And the bad news?" asked Bill.
"You're due to tee-off this Sunday at around 1030 in the morning," the Medium said!!
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching.
"What club should I use now?" he asked the Pro.
"I don't know," the Pro replied. "What game are you playing?"
"11 sir" said the caddy.
"Good, you'll do perfectly."
One day the husband was cleaning the mirror above Ruthie's dresser and accidentally knocked the silver box to the floor. Out spilled six golf balls and a thick wad of cash. The husband was bemused. He counted the cash which totalled $25,000. Shocked but controlled he put it all back.
At dinner he apologised to Ruthie for the accident and asked what it all meant.
Ruthie said that each time she cheated on him she put a golf ball into the box.
He thought.
He said, 'we have been through good times and bad, six times you drifted in fifteen years. I can forgive that..........But the cash? Where did the cash come from?'
Ruthie replied, 'oh the cash!? You see my dear, each time I had a dozen golf balls I sold them for $10.'
Husband, quietly putting paper down, a little surprised, replies: "Well, we have had a good marriage, and marriage is a good institution...so, yes, I'd probably remarry."
He goes back to reading the paper, she gets another cup of coffee and, after a few minutes, asks: "Honey, if I die before you, and you remarry, would you bring her to live in our house?"
He lowers the paper slowly, thinks for a second, and says: "Well, we worked hard to pay off the mortgage and it would be silly to move someplace else so, yes, I think I would bring her to live here."
He returns to his paper, a few minutes passes and she asks: "Honey, if I die before you and you remarry and you bring her to live here in our house, would you let her use my golf clubs?" "Don't be ridiculous," he says as he slams down the paper, "she's a lefty."
The next day, the wife decides it is also time to be true to her husband. As he was ready to tee off she says" Honey, since you were so true to me yesterday, I feel oblige to do the same...before we met, I was a man...Well you can imagine the husband 's golf that day.
The next morning at the office, the poor husband is broken down...can't get over what his wife told him...his fellow worker notices his state of mind and asks what's wrong...the husband tells the story, still very trouble by it...."Well, says the co-worker, forget about that, you love your wife, you have been happy for 15 years, get over it and go as if she had never told you".. "that's not the point" answers the husband...she has been teeing off the women's tee for all that time!
Paralumun New Age Village