Two Morons rent a rowboat, row out a way, throw their lines in and try fishing. Nothing happens. One fellow says to the other, we have to row out away from shore into deep water. They row and row offshore about one mile out, try fishing again. Same thing nothing. The same fellow says we have to go really far out that's where the fish are. They row for an hour. They are so far out they can not see land. They try again. low and behold they hit a bananza. There is no rest. Fish after fish is caught one fellow says to the other. You know we can come back tomorrow catch another load of fish and make some money selling it. His friend says that's a great idea but how are we going to find this same spot. His friend thinks about it a moment then says we could mark an X on the side of the boat. His friend looks at him a moment says OK. As they are rowing back toward shore his friend gives him a dirty look and says that wasn't such a good idea marking an X on the side of the boat. How do you know if we'll get the same boat tomorrow?
An Italian fellow took his mother fishing on a party boat for Fluke one day, after drifting for hours without even a nibble his mother hooks into a doormat Fluke, everyone on the boat was excited cheering the old women on telling her to take her time don't lose it etc. finally she lifted it into the boat picked up the fish removed the hook looked at it up and down and then tossed it back into the water, stunned her son said mama why did you throw that fish back into the water? She looked at him and said I don't know to me it just didn't look fresh
The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise." The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years." "But what then?" asked the Mexican. The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions?...Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot."........
The Three Fishermen and the Mermaid
Three fishers were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisher said: "double my I.Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare.
Then the second fisher said: "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.
The third fisher was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" the fisher said "yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary equipment together, she made her way out onto the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly ---from the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE! She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding
fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde,"we aren't fishing. We all have
magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the
bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there
were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes
started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
Two brothers are out for the day in their tin boat. The first one hooks into a big one, fights it for a half hour or so and when the fish finally tires he brings it to the boat. it is the drop-dead oddest fish they have ever seen. before they can drop it into the cooler the fish says, "I'm an enchanted fish and if you'll let me go I'll grant your any wish."
Well the boys are a bit skeptical but they decide he's too ugly to eat so they drop the fish over the gunnel. looking up from the lake, the fish says "ok, what will it be???"
Before having time to think the first brother says, "all right, turn the lake into budweiser!"
Before you know it POOF! The lake turns into a foaming vat of beer.
"Now why did you go and do a damn fool thing like that" the other brother says, "Now we'll have to pee in the boat!!!!"
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a change to fishing for a week. Its the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in and hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later her returns.
His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear."
He says "Oh yes it was great. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"