COMPUTER JOKES
THE TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR CO-WORKER IS A COMPUTER HACKER :
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was
$20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three
years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The
Net"........
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among
turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr.
President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card
now, jerk."
TO MY DARLING HUSBAND :
THERE WAS LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER :
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut- you did with a pocket knife
Paste- you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
Meet Single Girls and Guys for Dating!
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company
envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the
deception, but I thought you should know what's been going
on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright,
handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the
arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All
the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair
and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud
of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a
lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and
quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole
afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen
despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was
out.
I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was
delighted to discover that it really was more fun.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier
since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed and
that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in
good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm
not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut
air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski
trip and there is much packing to do. I've hired a house-
keeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep
things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals
to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you
and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone.
Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us
while your disks are booting....Love, Cindy.
Paralumun New Age Village