PROFILE OF AN ABUSER

SIGNS TO LOOK FOR.

Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who abuse their partners. If a person has say three plus of these behaviors there is a strong potential for physical violence.

Intially the batterer will try to explain his or her behavior as signs of love and concern, but as time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and severe to dominate and control.

1 - Jealousy : At the beginning of a relationship the abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealously has nothing to do with love.

The abuser will question the partner about whom the partner talks to. There will accuse the partner of flirting. They may be jealous of time the partner spends with family, friends or children.

As the jealousy progresses they may start monitering you without your knowledge. They may refuse to let the partner go to work for fear the partner may meet someone or even do strange behaviors such as checking the car mileage or ask friends to watch.

2 - Controlling Behavior : At first the abuser will say this behavior is because they are concerned for the partners safety. The abuser will be angry if the partner is late coming back from the store or an appointment.

The abuser will question you closely about where you went, who you talked to. As this behavior gets worse the abuser may not let the partner make personal decisions about the house, clothing, going to church, etc.

The abuser may start to control all the money. The abuser may make the partner ask permission to leave the house or room.

3- Quick Involvement : Many abused people knew or dated their abusers for less than 6 months before they were married or living together. The abuser comes on strong and fast claiming giving you little chance to think. The abuser will pressure you to commit to the relationship in such a way that later you may feel very guilty if you want to slow down the involvement or break-off.

4- Unrealistic Expectations: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all of their needs. They will expect you to be the perfect wife, husband, mother, father, lover, friend, etc.

They will say things like " If you love me, I'm all you need - you are all I need".

5- Isolation : The abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If she has male friends, she is a whore; If he has male friends, he is gay.

If the partner is close to family, the abuser will try to distance them. Usually this is done by moving interstate. The abuser may want to live in the country without a phone.

They may not let you use the car, or give you an unreliable one. They may try to keep you from working or going to study.

6- Blames Others For His Problems: If they is cronically unemployed, someone is always doing them wrong, or is out to get them. The abuser will tell you that you are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong.

7- Blames Others For Feelings: The abuser will say "you make me mad" "you are hurting me by not doing what I ask" "I can't help being angry" etc.

8- Hypersensitivity: An abuser is easily insulted. They claim their feelngs are 'hurt' when really they are very mad.

9- Cruelity To Animals Or Chidren: This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain and suffering. They may expect children to be able to do things beyond their ability or may tease children until they cry.

They may not want children to eat at the table or expect them to stay in their rooms all evening. They may play so called games with children until the abuser hurts them.

11- Verbal Abuse : In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, verbal abuse can be seen when the abuser degrades you, cursing you, running down your accomplishments. The abuser will tell you that your stupid and unable to function without them.

Womens Issues

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